Visiting colleges (part 2) - who should go

This is a slightly tricky one. After all, it's a trip, possibly to a far-off place, fun for the whole family, right? Er, no.

• Who should go: as few people as possible. The real point is for the student to figure out what makes sense for them. Parents are only chauffeurs and tag-alongs and sounding boards. If more than one parent goes, they inevitably start sharing their impressions with each other -- and influencing the student. I found my daughter quite sensitive to my opinions, to the point where I had to make an effort to keep them to myself. After all, it's going to be her college, not mine.
  
  During this trip, the student has to be self-centered. That's the whole point -- he or she is working toward a very big step of self-identification. "Who do you want to be?"
  
  And as self-centered as teenagers may be in some ways, getting them to think in a mature way about their future -- and where they want to go to college, which may well be the biggest decision they've had to make -- is hard enough without distractions. After all, they're going to be going to college without the family. They need to start thinking of it that way, envisioning themselves on the campus without their family support structure.
  
  Moreover, it's a "work" trip, and should be seen in that light.
  
  Therefore, leave siblings home, if feasible. A sibling, particularly one that's more than a couple years younger, will interfere with the college-applyer's efforts at self-discovery. We saw several younger siblings in college information sessions, and they were always fidgeting.
  
  Two parents might make it work, by having one parent take the younger child or children off doing touristy things while the older one visits the college. However, that might limit the flexibility of the college-applyer to get around, having to cooperate with siblings who have a tourist agenda.
  
  Also, the parent who does go (assuming the student doesn't drive himself) needs to keep their mouth shut, mostly.
  
  
• Where to go: multiple colleges per day. At the risk of sounding like a glutton for punishment, it's worth going to at least two colleges per day to get the comparative opinions flowing.
  
  It's probably worth going to at least one aspirational school and one safety school, as well as multiple schools the student expects to be able to get into. Urban/rural, large/small, homogenous/diverse, artsy/techie -- it's worth exploring all of these dimensions. The results can be surprising.
  
  In our case, my daughter realized she didn't want to go to a small school or a rural one.
  
  And as the college process gets more (seemingly) random, it's worth applying to several schools because you can never be completely sure where you'll get in.